The Risks of Friendships

Okay, so I was having a late dinner the other night with another ministerial friend.  We had gone to witness and participate in an Ecclesastical Council of an ordination candidate in my care.  At the council, we reviewed her faith journey, her doctrine, and how she 'goes about doing ministry.'  After she presented and defended herself, she left the room and we talked about her (in a good way) and voted unanimously (did I spell that right?) to approve her for ordination.  She is one heck of a great lady who brings such a real and honest presentation to those with whom she ministers- she's gonna be a blessing to many in her ministry.

Anyways.. afterwards, me and my friend went out for dinner.  Sitting down to talk, we shared and laughed, and he gave me some great ministerial advice.  And I told my friend about my own fears and challenges about my life in ministry (and my future ministry, wherever that might eventually be).  And I was worried that I told my friend too much information.  But then, on my way home from dinner, I was feeling thankful for my friendship with my ministerial collegue. .  and that got me to thinking about the nature of friendships.  As adults, esp those of us who are clergy, tend to not have as many 'close friends' as we did when we were younger.  We tend to be more guarded and reveal less and less about ourselves, lest someone else be tempted with that greatest of all clergy-related sins, the sin of gossip.  We, the clergy, tend to put up with invisible wall and treat those around us with suspicion when it comes to knowing about our intimate lives.

I have been exploring my own sense of boundaries.  Being the good Oklahoma guy that I am, I tend to talk alot- and, if you stick around long enough, I've been one of those guys that'll eventually tell you what you want to know.. as I eventually get to it after talking and talking.  Having been burnt several times this last year, I've actually been talking a bit less- or at least, cutting myself off before I talk 'too much'. 

And yet.. those tried and true friendships we have with our peers and collegues involves a risk- that risk is about self-revelation and honesty.  It is about having someone you can share your crap with and still feel accepted.   And in that sharing, we find a connection that helps us realize we're all in this life together- and its those friendships that empower us.

I say all this only to point out that 'real friendships' are important to our well-being and those real friendships can only happen if we're honest and open.  Sure, we need to choose our friends wisely- oh mah gawd!  we need to be VERY wise- however, once we find someone we can trust, we really gotta take those risks of self-revelation.  It is in these risks that deep friendships are formed and our own personal lives are sustained.