Thursday, February 23, 2006

Re-written Christian Children's Songs

I came across these rewritten children's songs that were written to reflect theologies of different slants and opinions. I am unsure the exact nature of these re-written songs, but as I see them, they may be a tongue-in-cheek way to help us realize how certain theologies may, when taken to an extreme, have an unexpected construction.

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Jesus Loves the Little Children
(A Five-Point Calvinist Version)

Jesus loves the little children
All the chosen children of the world
All of those elect from birth
But the rest will die and burn
Jesus loves the chosen children of the world

Jesus chose the elect children
Out of all those lost and dead in sin
All the rest can't choose what's best
But God holds them guilty nonetheless
Jesus chose the elect children of the world

I am one of the chosen children
God likes me more than he likes you
We can tell who's damned to hell
'Cause they don't act nice or look swell
I am one of the elect children of the world
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He's got the whole world in his hands
(Extreme Augustinian Version)

He's got the whole world in his hands... (3x)
He's got the whole world in his hands!

My free will is just illusion, in his hands... (3x)
He's got the whole world in his hands!

All free choices are really movements, of his hands... (3x)
He's got the whole world in his hands!

The universe is just clockwork, in his hands... (3x)
He's got the whole world in his hands!

We are responsible for what we can't change, in his hands... (3x)
He's got the whole world in his hands!

We are puppets of providence, in his hands... (3x)
He's got the whole world in his hands!

What you think doesn't really matter, in his hands... (3x)
He's got the whole world in his hands!
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Amazing Grace
(An Arminian / Semi-Pelagian Version)

Amazing Grace, how nice is God
To help those who help themselves
I was a nice guy, but its odd:
I'm nicer with his help

Grace chose me 'cause God knew I'd be
A guy who'd choose His plan
He saw my potential and thought he:
He deserves a helping hand

If I get there in ten thousand years,
It will be 'cause I stayed true!
I used his grace to finish the race
So I am better than you!
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Jesus Loves Me
(A Theologically Liberal, Politically Correct Version)

Jesus loves me this I know
For a vague feeling tells me so
But your God is as good as mine
I'm sure your God makes you feel fine

Chorus:
I think some God loves me!
I think some God loves me!
I think some God loves me!
A vague feeling tells me so!

Your truth is yours and mine is mine
No one can know truth at this time
Our best guess is what we feel
Truth feels good, but guilt's not real
(chorus)

The Bible is such an old book
Modern thought has taken a good look
If its not new it can't be right
So only believe what's in your sight
(chorus)
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Copied and pasted, without permission, from this blog.

2 comments:

Paul said...

He might want to submit those to Chris Tilling for inclusion in Chris Tilling Really Very Holy Ministries' Winds of Worship compilation.

Bo said...

I love the Holy and You Know It song, esp the last stanza! I guess this whole re-writing songs from theology isn't anything new. I find it all hilarious just the same.