A Journal Entry

Saturday, February 5, 2005

Today has been one of my more productive days at home. Not having to preach tomorrow (a member of the congregation is preaching) has afforded me a day to myself. Roy has been at his school library all day researching for his classes. So, being all my myself, I puttered around the house tidying up things and spending some much needed energy reorganizing my storage containers. With all I've done, I am throwing out 4 large trash bags of junk as well as some larger items like blankets, old plastic storage bins, a leaky and bulky air mattress, and some shelves.

Taking a break, I called Roy to see what he was up to. When we don't physically see each other, we call once or twice to see how the other is doing. Roy just left the library and was heading home. He said that for some reason, he feels sad or tired or perhaps "it's just the winter blahs." He said that he sometimes gets like this when he is alone and for that reason, he hates being alone. He invited me to see a movie with him tonight but as I explained to him, I still have cleaning and organizing to do, so I couldn't meet up with him. I invited him up to stay with me tonight, I explained that I could put off some things and perhaps we could rent a movie or something. I hadn't showered or anything today and, I didn't want to do so, then catch a train to midtown (where he was), all in all, it'd've taken me an hour and a half to meet up. So, he decided to go home and I said that I'd continue puttering around the apartment. At the end of our conversation, we said our goodbyes and promised to call each other tomorrow which we'll do.

I guess I am still thinking about him and me and why it is that we're two very different people sometimes. He hates to be alone and, in contrast enjoys being quite the socialite. I, on the otherhand, enjoy being alone and while I enjoy company and social gatherings, if I had my choice, I'd stay home or go somewhere alone and read. Or, hang out in my favorite bistro writing something or thinking about what I am going to do tomorrow.

I remember a friend from Oklahoma who once told me the same thing that Roy told me tonight. He hated being alone too. When he told me that, I remember being surprised because I thought he would be the sort of guy who would seek out his alone-time. I am sure I was just engaging in transferance.

Still the whole thing makes me wonder.. would I be a better person if I spent more time with others? Or, would Roy enjoy his life more if he made productive use of alone time? Or, are we just different people who have different needs. I am sure its the latter- but I feel for him, being alone when you're lonely is such a sad feeling to experience.