When our Influence is Bigger than We Know

I was reading a post from a blogger-friend (he's a friend from all the way back in highschool too) who was using initials of friends he had just met over the weekend. Explaining that he hadn't seen these friends in awhile and implying that two of the three friends were women, I was thinking I knew who they were and so opened up my old highschool yearbook to see if my hunch was right. While I couldn't confirm my hunch, I did run into something else.

As I opened the back of my yearbook, I found an inscription from an old friend. It startled me because I hadn't actually opened my yearbook in ages. And, the friend who wrote what he did has since passed away. Here is a piece of what he wrote:

***
David,
To a special friend and person, I am glad we met are are friends. Remember me in your preaching, who knows maybe one day you may be talking to someone who is into drugs and you can tell them about me....Remember me always, for I am sure I will always remember you. Your friend forever. [I want to withhold his name to honor his memory and his secrets].

P.S., May God watch over you and protect you. Thanks for making life bearable when times were rough.
***

My friend died about 5 to 6 years after graduation. While I actually haven't looked at his inscription in a long time, I have thought about him from time to time. He was a really great guy who's life was full of heartache and abuse. And still, he managed to keep his head above the water as best he could.

Interestingly, while he and I friends, we weren't really that close. I knew him because we went to church together and lived about 2 blocks from each other. We had spoken from time to time, especially when he had experienced one particular abuse or another. We'd talk and pray about it. But then, I wouldn't see him for a few months until a time would happen when he'd want to talk about "stuff" and we'd find ourselves talking and praying together again.

I had little idea then that what I had said really meant anything until, when we were graduating seniors, he wrote his inscription in my yearbook. It was kind of odd but I remember when he wrote it, he made me promise I wouldn't look at it until I got home. I guess he was embarrassed for me to read what he wrote in front of him.

After highschool, we lost touch. I moved to Texas and then later, joined the Air Force and didn't come back to Oklahoma for about 5 years. When I did finally make it back home, my brother had told me that my friend had died of a mysterious illness [later I learned it was AIDS]. My heart ached at that moment. It was so sad and remains so because of my memories of all the sadness and pain he endured.

Upon rereading my friend's inscription, I find myself thinking about him again. Part of me remains bewildered by how much influence and hope I was able to be a part of with him- and part of me remains sad because I don't know how he eventually coped or dealt with his tragedies. It is hard to imagine that its been almost 20 years since he passed away.

I do realize that life is full of heartache and disappointment and lots of sadness. I wonder if I had known how much influence and help I had provided beforehand, if that could have encouraged me to stay in better touch with him and if that would have made his life more bearable after highschool. I wonder if I had paid more attention and not lost touch, how we might have become better friends. I wonder if, in his life, he was able to find reconciliation for all his woes. So many questions now... questions that have no answers, only a reminder that we all touch lives as we live and how important it is for us to be there for those who surround us and who look to us in their times of need.

If he could only hear me now, I would say, "I wish life wasn't so short or so unpredictable. However in the short time we spent, thanks for touching my life in the way you did- and thanks for allowing me to touch yours. We are indeed friends forever."