Wednesday, August 31, 2005

A Prayer after Katrina

John Thomas, UCC General Minister and President, offers a prayer for use in UCC congregations in the wake of Hurricane Katrina:

Through the storm, through the night, lead me on to the light. Take my hand, precious Lord, lead me home.

- Be present, O God, with those who are discovering that loved ones have died, that homes and jobs are gone. Embrace them in your everlasting arms.

- Be present, O God, with those who suffer today in shelters, hot and weary from too little sleep and too much fear. Let them know they are not alone.

- Be present, O God, with those who wonder what they will find when they return to homes battered by wind and engulfed by flood. Teach them to hope.

- Be present, O God, with those who have not been able to reach loved ones, who are frantic with worry. Offer them consolation.

- Be present, O God, with those who have hardly recovered from last year’s storms, who are unsure how much they can bear, who yearn only for quiet. Grant them peace.

- Be present, O God, with all who respond - mayors, police, firefighters, FEMA employees, Red Cross workers, pastors, church disaster response coordinators. Their work is just beginning, and will not end for many months. Strengthen them for service.

- Be present, O God, with the people of the United Church of Christ in storm damaged areas, and especially with the staff and clients of the Back Bay Mission in Biloxi where we fear so much has been damaged. Inspire us by their determination to care for others amid their own trials.

- Be present, O God, to each of us as we pray, that distance may not deter us from generous giving and enduring companionship. Help us remember tomorrow, and next week, and next month.

- Be present, O God, with all affected by Hurricane Katrina. May Immanuel, God with us, our precious Jesus, take every hand and lead us home. Amen.

The Christian Paradox

I was handed a copy of an article yesterday by a church member. The church member had copied the article, "The Christian Paradox: How a faithful nation gets Jesus wrong", by Bill McKibben, from the pages of the current issue of Harper's magazine. Getting online, I typed out the words 'The Christian Paradox' into my Google search engine and found 23,400 results. It seems Mr. McKibben has struck a nerve; both for those who are listening and to those who are offended.

The article explains, in a very well written manner, how the author believes that many American Christians have misappropriated Jesus- making him be all about what they are all about. Here is a sample of what he has said. After the article, you can read the whole story by following the link.

***
The power of the Christian right rests largely in the fact that they boldly claim religious authority, and by their very boldness convince the rest of us that they must know what they're talking about. They're like the guy who gives you directions with such loud confidence that you drive on even though the road appears to be turning into a faint, rutted track. But their theology is appealing for another reason too: it coincides with what we want to believe. How nice it would be if Jesus had declared that our income was ours to keep, instead of insisting that we had to share. How satisfying it would be if we were supposed to hate our enemies. Religious conservatives will always have a comparatively easy sell. But straight is the path and narrow is the way. The gospel is too radical for any culture larger than the Amish to ever come close to realizing; in demanding a departure from selfishness it conflicts with all our current desires.

Even the first time around, judging by the reaction, the Gospels were pretty unwelcome news to an awful lot of people. There is not going to be a modern-day return to the church of the early believers, holding all things in common - that's not what I'm talking about. Taking seriously the actual message of Jesus, though, should serve at least to moderate the greed and violence that mark this culture. It's hard to imagine a con much more audacious than making Christ the front man for a program of tax cuts for the rich or war in Iraq.

Read the entire story here.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Isn't this a funny pic or what?


Can you think of a clever balloon for this picture?

Friday, August 26, 2005

Project Rebirth

A filmmaker in New York has positioned time-elapse cameras around Ground Zero that takes a still picture every 5 minutes. He's been doing this since 4 months following 9/11/2001. You can take a peak at a short film of what pictures have been taken so far.

For those of us in and around New York, just watching something like this brings back a lot of the sadness we first experienced following the tragedy. Four years later, the emotions are still there, at least for me. It's even hard to type this and I haven't even given you the link yet.

Here it is: http://www.projectrebirth.org/film/index.html

Watch the film, I am guessing it'll be updated every once in awhile. To see all the site offers, check out the main site http://www.projectrebirth.org.

This is a Test

I installed the newest blogging gadget that lets me publish my blog entries from within Microsoft Word. This is supposed to be easier but I always thought going to http://www.blogspot.com was pretty easy too. So, being the good web geek that I think I might be, I am giving it a whirl.

O Mah Gawd!

The Big Cup is closing!!

That was my first reaction- sheer shock. Today, reading an article in the NY Times, I found myself sad and watery-eyed. The Big Cup was here when I arrived in NYC, and it was a great place to meet up with friends for coffee before a fun night on the town, or a great place to just hang out, eat pastries and drink your coffee in a fun and electric atmosphere. I am so going to miss this place.

Here is the article from the Times.

***
For Jeffrey Adamski, Big Cup, a boisterous Chelsea coffeehouse with a Day-Glo interior, was comfortable for reasons beyond its big couches and stay-all-day atmosphere.

"I was a Jewish kid from Long Island going to temple, and I could come in here and be as flighty as I wanted to be," said Mr. Adamski, 31, who stopped by on a recent afternoon. "It was liberating."

Mr. Adamski was among the patrons who learned this week that the coffeehouse, which employees nicknamed Gay Grand Central, a place where many men found a welcome introduction to gay life, was closing, the victim of rising rents. Modeled after the coffee shops of the West Coast, the shop, on Eighth Avenue just south of 22nd Street, offered a casual place for gay men to socialize. Women and straight men were welcome too, but as a review once put it, "They just seem sort of irrelevant." Employees seemed to be half barista, half party host.

On weeknights, music and crowds would fill the airy room and spill onto the sidewalk. Teenagers too young for the bars could find kindred spirits, and Big Cup gained a reputation as a place to cruise gay men. After it was featured in guidebooks, tourists and new arrivals to the city went there in search of Chelsea's lively gay scene.

This week, the chalkboard sign out front that usually advertises cappuccinos and iced mochas had a different announcement. "Attention," it read, "Big Cup is closing." Sunday will be the last day of business.

The news came as a surprise to many. As is so often the case in Manhattan, the culprit is the hot real estate market. "The rent is over three times what it once was," said Scott Siler, an owner of the business since it opened in 1994. "You can only charge so much for a cup of coffee."

He added that with the recent addition of condos, and mainstream chains like Starbucks, the neighborhood is becoming less of a gay enclave and more family-oriented. Mr. Siler, who also ran the nightspot called Hell, in the meatpacking district, for nine years and recently opened a bar called Secret on West 29th Street, said closing was the right thing to do from a business perspective, "but I'm disappointed for the neighborhood."

"I know people will miss it," he said.

This week, the normally spirited atmosphere was replaced with a kind of eulogistic pensiveness. A downcast Tracy Chapman song wafted over the speakers. The employees, informed of the closing earlier this week, seemed to be still in shock.

Joe Hutchinson, 20, a regular customer, said the coffeehouse encouraged a democratic and relaxed atmosphere often absent from gay bars and clubs.

"I always viewed it as a stress-free environment," he said. "The bar scene is like a meat rack. Of course, it's Chelsea, so you're going to have some of that anyway, but everyone was welcome at the Big Cup." Mr. Hutchinson said he could think of no other spot to take its place.

All this week, regulars have been making pleas, written hastily on scraps of paper bags, to save the coffeehouse. Max Park, a manager, said several employees had banded together to try to reopen under new ownership.

Mr. Siler said he was open to new owners' carrying on the Big Cup name, but doubted whether a business of the same size and style could exist in today's frenzied market.

Whatever the outcome, the written memorials of the customers testify to the legacy of the coffeehouse. One note read: "Every community needs its focus place - this has been that for Chelsea." Another read: "This was one of the first places I discovered upon coming out and it was this place that helped that process."

Home At Last

I returned from my brief vacation to Fire Island last night. Collapsing on my Laz-E-Bo (as my exbf calls my recliner), I immediately fell asleep and awoke this morning at 7am. Yeah, my back is still a bit sore from sleeping all night on my recliner, but I was also next to the air conditioner, so at least I was cool.

Fire Island was a blast. I met some new friends, who were my housemates in the cottage I stayed at. I ate well, and got to do something I don't do as often as I'd like, I played pool! There was a new full-sized pool table at one of the watering holes along the boardwalk. After High Tea (this is an evening party of dancing that occurs after Low Tea). In the afternoons, I laid out on the beach where my body got its needed Vitamin D from the amazingly beautiful clear skies. On one day, I even found the courage to go swimming (the water is sooooooooooooo cold!).

I had a great and wonderful time away. Now, I am back and feel rested. Tomorrow morning I am going bike riding with a friend (and churchmember) who assures me that getting up at 7:30am on a Saturday is good for the soul and good for bike-riding. We're going to be riding around the island beginning in my neighborhood and also across the Brooklyn Bridge. It's bound to be fun. I only hope that I don't wuss out and take the subway train home half way through the ride. I'll let you know how it goes.

Some fun links

I receive weekly emails from WXPnews, which is an email that gives great inside tips for making our Windows XP work smoothly. In the particular email, there are always some fun links that you can go to. This week has some exceptionally cool ones.

Is it real or a hoax? You get to see some interesting pictures and you're asked to pick the real one from the fake.

Are you a child of the 70s? Or of the 80s? This has some "memory lane" one liners that'll make you chuckle as well as remind you how old you are. heh heh

Where does that saying come from? Have you heard an idiom that you can't remember what it means but don't want to ask someone what they meant because you'll feel silly? Check out this indexed site for interesting idioms.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

I Finally Made It!

I can't type long, the bugs out here are everywhere. But, I finally made it to Fire Island. And what a great day I've had out here. I am staying in a house close to the harbor with no one in it, save for one person. I guess no one wants to be on the Island during the weekday. Good for me. :)

Anyways, I spent the afternoon lounging at the beach, having learned a new way to lounge there. My housemate taught me how to dig a hole to sit in, and pile sand up high enough to act as a backrest. Then, laying a towel down, I was almost reclinging as I tanned and grabbed my unfinished copy of To Kill a Mockingbird.

And then while laying out, my housemate told me that the island is now wired for WiFi. Yee-haw I inwardly explained and came back to the house and got online. Sitting outside on the roofdeck I have had a revelation. I am such a web geek. Here I am on Fire Island surrounded by many. many, sexy gay men and what am I doing? I am online typing an entry into my blog. Go figure.

I'll write more later, I am sure. Right now the bugs are preparing an assult and I'd better get offline and in the house.

Monday, August 22, 2005

The Detroit Terminal

You know, I feel at home here. I have internet access, the seats are nice, the food is decent enough. And, with my cell phone, I have complete access to the office and my friends. Kinda nice, eh?

Last night after 3 hours of waiting, Northwest canceled the flight and put me up in the Double Tree Hotel. And what a nice hotel it was! I couldn't believe how comfortable the bed was. And the morning breakfast (which was free) was tastey.

It's 12:45pm right now. I took the airport shuttle here a bit early to make sure if there were any changes, I'd be sure to get the best flight back to New York. As of now, the plane is supposed to be on-time and I should be back in New York by 3pm.

So, that's about it. I just wanted to write a brief post and let you know how crazy my travel experience continues to be.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Northwest Airline is a Stinker

I am presently writing this post from the Detroit terminal where I am waiting for my return flight to New York City. The plane for the return flight is having engine trouble and with the mechanics of Northwest Air on strike, they are having a dickens of a time getting it fixed. I'll either wait for the aircraft to be fixed, catch another flight into New York, or spend the night in Detroit. Unfortunately for me, I am supposed to leave tomorrow for a 4 day vacation out on Fire Island. It looks like I'll be late getting there regardless of what happens (its almost 10pm now).

The flight from NYC to Tennessee was a disaster. So, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised about this recent development. On that flight, I was late leaving NYC and when I got to Detroit, the door was stuck shut and I had to wait in the aircraft for an hour while mechanics pryed the door open.

When I got to Nashville, my luggage didn't. It was lost in the Detroit airport; fortunately I got my luggage on Saturday. But still... I was a bit irritated from my flight experience when I met with the folks I came to meet in Nashville.

However, everything went well in Nashville. I had a great time and met some great people. For those of you who don't know why I was in Nashville, I was interviewing for a pastor position in a liberal UCC church. The search committee was great and I am confident that the interview accurately represented both them and me. Now, I just have to wait until I hear from them whether or not they are interested in recommending me to the congregation as their choice as their new pastor.

However great the interview went, I still think Northwest Air is a stinker.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Facinating Link

Are you a poetry buff? The Academy of American Poets has its own website where you can read, listen, purchase, and peruse just about all the poetry you could imagine. Point your browser to www.poets.org and see for yourself a wonderful website.

To Kill A Mockingbird

A friend gave me an old tattered copy of To Kill A Mockingbird, by Harper Lee. It's fun rereading the old classics and this book is no exception. Told in a storyteller fashion, one is so easily drawn into the story and the life in the sleepy town of Maycomb, Alabama. If you'd like to find a great read for a lazy Saturday afternoon, then I'd recommend this masterpiece of American literature.

Congrats A.J.!

A friend of mine was just offered a role in the Broadway musical production of Hairspray! And it couldn't've happened to a nicer guy. You da' man!

Monday, August 15, 2005

Funny Joke

Q. Why do men's hearts beat quicker, go weak in the knees, get dry throats, and think irrationally when a woman wears leather clothing?

A. Because she smell's like a new truck!

*Joke submitted by my mother's humorous boyfriend Sieg. Thanks Sieg!

You know it's time to defrost your icebox when...

there is so much ice that your ice cube trays won't even fit.

I have one of those tiny compartments in a refrigerator that will only hold 2 ice cube trays, some meat, 1 bag of white seedless grapes, and a small pouch-like thingy that you can put in a bag to keep it cold. And that's it. Well, that's it if no ice has formed inside the compartment. I had so much ice that I couldn't put anything in the compartment.

As a result, I decided to defrost my ice compartment on Saturday. Turning off my icebox, I began putting boiling water, first in a cup, and then in a cassarole dish as the ice began to melt. It took all day but I got it done. Today I went shopping for the aforementioned grapes; they taste great frozen!

Friday, August 12, 2005

A Progressive Christian

You'll notice on the right side of this blog, I have some new links posted under the Blogroll. One of those new links is call A Progressive Christian. It is a blog that says it is, "A Path, not a regime. A Relationship, not a rulebook. Inclusion, not exclusion. Justice and Opportunity for all, not a few.
Stewardship, not dominion."

Let me encourage you to drop over there and have a peak. It has some great articles filled with faith, humor, outrage, and political opinion.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Living Without Sugar

After reading a few health journals and speaking with some friends who have forgone processed sugar for health reasons, I have tried to see if I too, can banish the white granulars from my diet of cakes and sweetened coffee.

In order for this pursuit to be successful, I reasoned, I needed to find 'sugar substitutes'. Living without sugar seems an impossibility (mainly because I am such a sweet guy myself). But sugar substitutes can be toxic to some bodies (for me, Nutrasweet gives me a headache like no other). So, heading off to my local health food market, I found two all natural sugar substitutes: Agave Nectar and Stevia.

Agave Nectar is a vegan sweetner that is meant to replace sugar, honey, and syrup. Stevia comes from the Stevia leaf and is 300 times sweeter than sugar. Both are great (use the latter with great care, too much of it and you'll have to climb down from your ceiling).

From my experience, I have found the Agave Nectar to be the best sweetner for my coffee. The Stevia leaves a slight bitter aftertaste. You can find these products and other healthy ones by visiting www.eatraw.com. The site is pretty fabulous and if you live in a town without a healthy store alternative, then this site is for you. Unfortunately eating more healthy is expensive, but still, replacing one's processed sugar consumption is recommended by most health conscience folks.

As for me, I can say with complete honesty, replacing my white processed sugar has been rewarding. I have found I have more energy and am less hungry. However, I am also eating less unhealthy foods, so my more energy could also be the result of that too.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

The New Phone is Here

I got my new fancy cell phone yesterday. It sure is nice! It has more buttons and can do so many nifty and bizarre things that I have yet to figure out how to use most of the features it has. But the really cool thing is has is a great ring tune (some kind of dancey salsa thing to it). Whenever it has rang today, I start moving my hips and dancing all the way to wherever it is I laid down my phone. Of course, if I don't start actually carrying my phone on me, I'll lose it again. So maybe I oughta change the ring tune. ;)

Friday, August 05, 2005

Another Reason to Floss

Today I went to a new dentist. Fearing an abscess tooth, I was relieved to learn that it was just a mild infection. Infection, as it turns out, brought on by stress. Or so, the dentist explained. He said that when our bodies overstress, one of the first signs is visible in a person's gums (especially one who doesn't floss all that much). Who knew?

So he asked me, "What's going on in your life right now?" So I told him about my work and responsibilities, what's going on in my personal life, and anything else I could think of. Afterward he said, "Yeah, looks like you have lots of stress." Needless to say, I was stunned. Holistic care from a dentist?

He explained that when a person stresses out, the membranes in their mouth don't fight infection well. And, since I obviously haven't flossed in awhile, that only exacerbates the problem. He then gave me a speech about proper dental hygiene and went about cleaning my teeth. He explained that as long as I have stress, my gums will be in danger of infection but proper dental hygiene will ensure nothing bad happens. He then wrote a prescription for antibiotics (after all, I do have an infection), recommended I purchase a Sonicare toothbrush, which he said is the best invention ever for dental care (I guess the commerical is right about dentists recommending it) and then scheduled me for a more intense dental cleaning.

I left the office amazed (and thankful). It's amazing what one learns from a dentist!

Thursday, August 04, 2005

A New Phone's a Comin'

Okay, so I just ordered a new phone. It should arrive next Monday. Unfortunately, all my old phone numbers were lost that resided in the old phone and the phone service cannot retrieve my old numbers. It kinda sucks that I have lost all those old numbers and it'll be a pain knowing I cannot call anyone who's numbers I should have elsewhere but didn't see fit to write down. If you're reading this and know I should be calling you, be sure to call me after next Monday. Okay? Thanks.

I spoke with a friend this week who says she doesn't keep any numbers in her cell phone for just this reason; instead she carries a small phone directory with her. That seems like a hassle for me though and definitely something I'd keep leaving behind, or at work, or lost somewhere in my apartment.

Technology, on the one hand, has simplified my life (I am much more efficient now) but in another respect, it's complicated it because so much depends on each little bit of technology I have. My laptop, my desktop, my palm pilot, and my cell phone: all essential tools that I've made essential in my pursuit of a simpler and more efficient life. And yet, I could manage without them (I think) but then, I'd have my old Dayrunner to lug around, have to depend on telephone booths that never work, and be able to only do work at work.

Dang technology! And yet, thank God for it. I such a confused person.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Fire Island Here I Come!

I spoke with a friend who has gotten me a free week on Fire Island in August. I'll have to pay for food and expenses of course, but I won't have to pay for lodging (which is usually about $50-100 a night). Usually every summer I go over to the Island for a week or two of rest and relaxation. This summer my regular way got nixed. So, I had tentative plans to go to Amsterdam instead. However, that didn't materialize either. And I was all bummed out. So I called a friend of mine to see what he could do and after some finagling, he emailed me last night with the details.

Since this may be my last summer in New York, I sure wanted to get back out to the Island and now I can go. I am soooooooo excited!

As Herman Munster would say,

"Darn, darn, darn, darn, darn, darn, darn." I lost my cell phone.

If you are a friend or a family member reading this and wondering either why my cell phone has been de-activated or I haven't returned your call, now you know. Call me at home.

Fortunately this time, I put insurance on my cell phone. But, get this. I can either get a replacement for my old phone (which is what the insurance is for) or I can get a brand new phone because AT&T Wireless (my service) has merged with Cingular and I can get a free new phone with all the discounts. I am mulling over my choices and will decide which I'll do today.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Nashville?

As a few of you know, my full-time position as the Assistant Pastor at Broadway Church was only meant to be a temporary one. From the beginning, I was only supposed to be full-time for approximately 9 months and then either go to part-time or find another position elsewhere. Well, that was almost 4 years ago.

Serving in a smaller church, there are two full-time pastors here (me and my interim pastor). Come January though, my position will revert back to its original part-time state. As a result of this decision from the church, I have begun circulating my ministerial profile seeking a position as senior/sole pastor of a congregation. As my profile has been circulating for about 3 months, I've had some very interesting churches respond. One of those very interesting churches is located in Nashville, Tennessee.

Last Sunday night I participated in a conference call with the church in Nashville. After a long conversation, we said our pleasantries and said goodbye. Last night, the chair of the pastoral search committee called and left a message on my home voicemail stating that the committee was impressed with the conversation on Sunday night and would like to have me fly to Nashville for a more concentrated interview as well as hear me preach in a neutral pulpit (a "neutral pulpit" is a venue outside of the particular church where I preach a sermon for another congregation and the search committee is present among the worshippers to hear me preach).

I am very excited about this particular congregation and how it is we'll get along. While the search process takes time and I know I shouldn't already be daydreaming about a future that hasn't happened yet (i.e., me getting the job), I am as excited as a teenager the day before the state fair is to open. Please pray for me and the church during this discerning time.

I was telling a friend of mine who lives in Tennessee today about the possibility that I might move there. He lived in Los Angeles for a long time before moving back home. He told me that I am going to have to learn to better appreciate country music. I asked, "Do you mean I will get to appreciate it or that I'll have to appreciate it?" Laughing he said, "Yes." He also reinerated over and over to me, "Nashville isn't New York." Or, "Things are a bit slower here." And, "It'll be one heck of a change for you." But finally he said, "You're gonna love it here."

I am convinced that if the Lord is willing and the creek don't rise, that my friend may be right.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Mosquito Bites Everywhere

I went to the church's cabin on Saturday up at Lake Herriman State Park. It was a great cool and windy day. The sun was shining, the wind was stronger than a breeze and the day had "lazy" written all over it.

Realizing I was going to be lazy, I brought my laptop, a book, and had every intention of sleeping most of the afternoon. I also packed some sunscreen and brought some Off! bugspray. I hate bugspray but figured I'd be safe just the same.

When I got to the cabin (with 7 other cabinites), the wind was blowing so strong and the air was so cool, I thought I wouldn't need to apply any bugspray. So I didn't.

And when I got home, I looked down and wha-lah!- I was covered with bites. Today I still have the bites although they aren't as bright red as they were yesterday. And tomorrow, they'll almost be gone. But still.. I should've known better.

When More Folks are Reading your Blog

I have noticed a strange occurance. More and more people are reading my blog (although few ever respond to it). I know this by an internet counter thingy that tells me how often my blog is viewed and by the fact I get phone calls from all sorts of people saying, "Say, I've been checking out your blog every day." And, "How DARE you write that!"

It's that last often repeated comment that has taken me a bit by surprise. I am learning that some folks just freak out when they read something they don't like AND they tell me about it. I've written political commentary (that gets the most bad reactions), personal stories (you'd be amazed at who gets offended by this), and juvenille humor (which seems to only be funny to me, for some reason). Now mind you, I don't mind reactions but the reactions I get are over the phone! Or, emailed to me! No one ever really "comments" except for you Paul, thank you. And I've even offended him, go figure. And let me tell you, my mom even reads this thing and you oughta hear what she has to say (and mom, I still don't think Bush is good for this nation.)

So what has been my reaction? Actually, I've been more and more hesitant to actually write about stuff. Sure, amazing things have happened this last week (some freaky) and others not so amazing.

So I am left with some choices: be more selective with what I write about, be bland, be an ass and write whatever the heck I want to, be more articulate and still write whatever the heck I want to. I am thinking it should be the latter, but I tend to misstate my intentions (have always suffered from this malody). Still.. I am thinking I just need to be more witty with perhaps less juvenille humor.

I know whoever reads this will undoubtedly let me know how I am doing in my new endeavor. Look for me, I'll be writing more.

Working Together

I know I haven't posted in awhile, there have been lots of things going on around me and yet, nothing out of the ordinary and I just couldn't think of anything to write about (that I want everyone reading). ;)

Yesterday though, something really cool happened. My boss and I were having a meeting when he raised an issue that I myself was uncertain how to raise myself. You see, we had a major disagreement last week and yesterday we talked about it. Since the disagreement happened, we've had time to "cool off" and the discussion that followed was incredible. Both airing our concerns and yet in a relaxing professional way, we worked out the solution. It doesn't hurt that my interim pastor (my boss) is also a pyschotherapist. We talked about what concerned us in the least threatening environment I have ever been a party to.

We both shared our worries, concerns, and in a friendly way (we've become great friends, by the way), we were able to come to a resolution that was fair and honored the concerns raised. And, I realized that this interim pastor isn't just important for the congregation during our major pastoral transition, he's important to me too.

Now if I can just get him to create a blog, then you'd get to meet him too. ;)

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Double Checking the Blogroll

It's weird how so many blogs come and go. I try and keep my links current and when I went to check them this morning, I found 4 links that no longer worked. Crazy, right?

So I deleted them and added a couple more. I do like to keep interesting links on this thing. Some are indeed interesting, some are more kind of unnerving, while others are fabulous. I really don't have any particular formula for adding them other than I like the sites, they make me think, or they help me laugh.

If you have a fab link you'd like to recommend, drop me a note and let me know where it's at. Thanks!

From Andrew Sullivan..

This is his tribute to the Fourth of July. It's pretty cool.

"I believe in the pursuit of happiness. Not its attainment, nor its final definition, but its pursuit. I believe in the journey, not the arrival; in conversation, not monologues; in multiple questions rather than any single answer. I believe in the struggle to remake ourselves and challenge each other in the spirit of eternal forgiveness, in the awareness that none of us knows for sure what happiness truly is, but each of us knows the imperative to keep searching. I believe in the possibility of surprising joy, of serenity through pain, of homecoming through exile."

To read it all, go to AndrewSullivan.com.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Best Written, Kinda Disturbing

I stood in line on Friday night to be one of the first folks to get and read the new Harry Potter novel. I had reserved a copy of it at the Barnes and Nobles on 66th and Broadway. Arriving early, I was marshalled downstairs where I stood in a serpentine line that wrapped itself all around and all over the lower level of the store. Having my book reserved, I wasn't one of those who stood in the same serpentine line on the second floor and nor was I one of the hundreds of folks standing in line and around the block outside of the store. Let me tell you, it was bedlam in that store- it seems there are many people like myself who just love the Harry Potter novels.

I got through the line pretty quick, once the line began to move. By 12:30pm, I had my book as I walked out of the store and towards the subway. Once I was home however, I was very tired and decided to dedicate my Saturday to reading the book. Waking at 9am, having breakfast and pouring my coffee, I sat down for an afternoon and early evening for that most famous of all wizards, Harry Potter.

Finishing the book around 2am with numerous breaks, I found myself both amazed at the writing (which made reading the book so easy) and the sad and disturbing tale Ms. Rowling wove this time around. I won't spoil any surprises (so this post will be short) but it seems everything has changed for Harry, Hermione, Ron, and the rest of the Hogwarts students. Given what has been set up for the last of the seven book series, it is bound to be a doozey and it was most certainly filled with great adventure.

I sure hope Ms. Rowling is already at work on her last novel. I'd hate to wait another 3-4 years for it- she put so much adventure and intrigue into this next-to-the-last one, that waiting patiently is sure going to take an act of magic on her part for us all.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

My Funny Friends

The music director at the church where I serve is a wonderful guy and we're great friends. And yet, when he replied to me in an email just now about something I wrote to him this morning, he had this joke tag line (and he knows I am from Oklahoma):

"A Texas State trooper pulled over an Oklahoma pickup on I-35. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout' whut?"

Okay, okay, so it IS funny.

FIRE DESTROYS PRESIDENT'S LIBRARY

Crawford, Texas (not AP) - A tragic fire this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The fire began in the presidential bathroom where both of the books were kept. Both of his books have been lost.

A presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as he had almost finished coloring the second one.

My Dream

I had one of the most real-feeling dreams I've had in a long time. In the dream, my eldest brother took me on a long journey, up and over, down and through, and then up again to an unfamiliar place. Standing near a city-like park, with benches and trees in small square plots interdespersed between different concrete paths, my brother said, "I have someone who wants to see you. But he doesn't have very long. Look.. here he comes now."

And I looked up and saw him. Walking with difficulty and dressed in a striped black suit, I immediately recognized him. It was my dad. I ran up to him and we embraced. We looked at each other and we both smiled big and bright. His eyes were as clear as the sky and he grabbed me by my shoulders and said, "I've missed you so much." Looking at him, with his wide smile and with an incredible sense of peace and calm, I said, "I've missed you too and I love you Dad." Then he said smiling, "I love you too, son. And don't worry, I'll be seeing you around. It'll be okay, David."

Then suddenly I awoke from the dream clutching my pillow with tears rolling down my cheeks, I was crying loud, hard, and uncontrollably.

My dad died on November 9, 1991. It has been almost 14 years and this dream felt the most real than I've ever had involving him and me. As I laid in bed, I thought about how my dad didn't see me graduate from college, or seminary. Nor did he witness my life-long pursuit of ministry where I now serve a church, in New York City, of all places.

Thinking about my dream, I have so many questions: Does God speak in our dreams? Or do our dreams reflect something deeper, so deep that only when a particular time comes, are we're ready to begin the journey of appreciation from someone who loved us very much? And/or, do these dreams happen when we need them to happen (or when its determined that we need them to happen) before something big happens in our lives? I am too nervous to dig too deep right now and my attempts at deconstruction seem to make the experience less a cause of joy. I am just going to wait- and appreciate the moment as best I can.

I feel blessed this morning and my prayers to God were full of thanksgiving for such a real and meaningful experience in my dream. I'll be looking forward to seeing my dad again- as he pops in and out of my slumber and I think about him in my waking hours.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

When the Shortening Goes Bad

Last Sunday I was responsible for bringing the desserts for our after-church fellowship. I made three desserts: chocolate no bake cookies, Neiman Marcus bars, and a banana nut cake. The first two were great and everyone loved them. The banana nut cake was a different matter.

I have been trying to perfect my mama's signature cake. She has been making it all my life and her receipe is actually even older than she is. Created before mixers, it tells you how many strokes you are to beat the icing and cake mixture (no jokes, please,). Seeing how this recipe is so old and tastes so amazingly well, I've been trying for the past 4 years to make it.. and each time, something goes wrong.

The first time I tried to make it was a complete disaster. Subsequent attempts have been better. My last attempt I ran into problems: I ran out of extra confectioners sugar and, this is the kicker, my shortening was bad. I discovered it was bad only after it was baked and I tasted the cake and there was this slight metal taste to it. I was talking with a church member and had asked her if she too, thought there was something wrong with the shortening and she said, "Yeah, your shortening went bad."

She said that I shouldn't be too freaked out about it. She explained that she a can of 8-month old shortening in her icebox. "You keep it in the icebox?" I replied. To that she and everyone around her immediately put their cake down.

Actually, depending on what you use shortening for, some keep it in their icebox but if you use it for cakes, you are not to refridgerate it. However, where you do store it, it needs to never get hot which will make it turn bad quick. (Yeah, I read that on label.) My kitchen tends to get hot and when I called mom, she said that's why she keeps it under her sink.

Anyways, my banana nut cake sucked yet again. Next time though, it'll work- I am definitely stoked to make and have the best banana nut cake ever.

Friday, July 08, 2005

It's Almost Here!!!

I am so excited about the new Harry Potter novel hitting the stores on July 16th. Unfortunately, I didn't reserve a copy of the book yet, I will probably do that today. If you haven't yet, you can do so at http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?ISBN=0439784549&userid=tI51igmBFc&cds2Pid=6603

The last book I read in the Harry Potter series I paced myself and only read one chapter per sitting which allowed the book to stretch itself out. This time, I am going to do what I've done with the first 5 books.. I am going to inhale it. heh heh

"The Meaning of July Fourth for the Negro"

My mother's boyfriend send me this article about Fredrick Douglas who was invited to speak about the Fourth of July 5, 1852. What he said was both profound and incredibly courageous.

http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article9396.htm

Thursday, July 07, 2005

It Sorta Sounds Okay...

Well, I finally did it. I put a sermon I preached from Sunday on the church website. Unfortunately, I knew I wouldn't be able to directly record into my mp3 player (it's too complicated to do from the pulpit) so I simply recorded it on a cassette player and then re-recorded it onto my mp3 player when I got home.

The sound is okay but there is this annoying hum in the background. Check it out, whatever .wav player you have should play it. The sermon is entitled, "Celebrating our Homeland," and it was preached on Sunday, July 3, 2005 at Broadway UCC here in New York City.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Now this is really cool..

Before you go to this link: http://www.eviltree.de/zoomquilt/zoom.htm

...know that you'll have to wait while the program loads
...once it does, click the 'Click Here to Start' words to load the program
...once it loads, holding the left mouse button, move your mouse up to go forward

The program is facinating.

UCC Backs Gay Marriage

Boy am I proud to be a member of the United Church of Christ!

Surely you've heard by now (or maybe not) but at General Synod yesterday (the annual meeting of the United Church of Christ), a resolution was passed that supports and affirms marriage for LGBT persons. Here is the news article from the NY Times.

Filed at 8:00 a.m. ET

ATLANTA (AP) -- The president of the United Church of Christ said his denomination ''acted courageously to declare freedom'' when it passed a resolution endorsing same-sex marriage on Independence Day.

The resolution calls on member churches of the liberal denomination's 1.3 million members to consider wedding policies ''that do not discriminate against couples based on gender.'' It also asks churches to consider supporting legislation granting equal marriage rights to gay and lesbian couples and to work against laws banning gay marriage.

The endorsement by the church's rule-making body Monday makes it the largest Christian denomination to endorse same-sex marriage. The vote is not binding on individual churches, but could cause some congregations to leave the fold.

''On this July Fourth the General Synod of the United Church of Christ has acted courageously to declare freedom, affirming marriage equality, affirming the civil rights of same gender couples to have their relationships recognized as marriages by the state, and encouraging our local churches to celebrate and bless those marriages,'' said the Rev. John H. Thomas, president of the United Church of Christ.

Roughly 80 percent of the representatives on the church's 884-member General Synod voted to approve the resolution Monday, a day after a committee recommended it.

A small group of conservative congregations had proposed an alternative resolution defining marriage as between a man and a woman, and suggested that supporting gay marriage could lead to the church's collapse.

The Rev. Brett Becker, who represents a group of more conservative churches, said it is possible his congregation at St. Paul United Church of Christ in Cibolo, Texas, will leave over the resolution.

''I would like to see us stay in the denomination and network for positive change,'' Becker said. ''However, many of my members have expressed very clearly that this decision would cause great consternation and that, if this happened, they would want to see us leave.''

Formed in 1957 and traditionally strong in New England, the United Church of Christ has a tradition of support for gays and lesbians. It is distinct from the more conservative Churches of Christ, which has some 2 million members in the U.S.

UCC churches are autonomous, meaning the General Synod does not create policy for its more than 5,700 congregations.

In the early 1970s, the denomination became the first major Christian church to ordain an openly gay minister. The church declared itself to be ''open and affirming'' of gays and lesbians 20 years ago.

''This is a significant moment,'' said the Rev. Rebecca Voelkel, of Cleveland, coordinator of a church coalition addressing gay and lesbian issues. She said the decision emphasizes that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people are ''spiritual people who love and are loved by God.''

But Becker does not think Monday's vote was representative of the wishes of most church members.

''If we had put it to a vote of the people in the pews, it would have failed overwhelmingly,'' he said. ''This is truly Independence Day for the UCC -- we have declared ourselves independent from the teachings of Jesus and the clear teachings of Scripture.''

Apple Cream Pie

I made this last night for a cookout I attended. Wowsers, it was really good!

Ingredients:

1 cup of sugar
3 tablespoons of flour
1 teaspoon of vanilla
2 eggs
1 cup of sweet cream/condenced milk
1 pie shell
2 small apples, peeled and sliced
sprinkles of cinnamon and nutmeg
butter

Directions:
Heat oven to 425 degrees.
Mix the sugar, flour, vanilla, eggs, and sweet cream until smooth and creamy. Line unbaked pie shell with peeled and sliced apples. Pour mixture over apples. Sprinkle with cinnamon and nutmeg. Dot with butter.

Bake at 425 degrees for 15 minutes; then turn oven down to 325 degrees and bake for 30 minutes, or until the custard is set.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Quality vs Cheap

Well, it happened yet again. I returned from my vacation in Oklahoma late Thursday evening. When I left, I was worried about the ceiling in my bathroom as I have developed yet another leak from the ceiling. It was getting so bad that I was about to start putting an umbrella in the bathroom again when I would be caught in a position (or place) where I couldn't get out of the way when the water began to cascade from the various cracks in my ceiling.

I returned to find that the cracks had gotten bigger and the cascading water was more like a waterfall than a continuous drip. So it wasn't that much of a surprise when about 3 hours ago, I heard this loud "CRR-AAA-CCCKKK!!" and then "KKAA-PLOSHH!" The ceiling collapsed. And boy what a mess it made.

As I was cleaning up the mess and later stapling garbage bags to what little of the ceiling remained to cover the huge-ass hole, I began to ponder, "I knew that there was a reason I was only paying $950 for a 1 bedroom apartment in Manhattan." Everyone I know (except for two church members who have both cheap rent AND a nice apartment) pays a lot morerent than I do- and they have pretty nice apartments, and their bathrooms look nice (I seem to always want to check out their bathrooms, and I promise, I never look in someone's medical cabinet).

My point is that I am caught in a pattern. I seldom buy the best quality of anything, whether or not I am renting an apartment, buying a new computer, or purchasing new clothes. I usually buy what's on sale and/or what I think I can afford at the moment. I know that quality should always be my first concern. And, to make matters more difficult, since I usually buy crap- when the crap unexpectedly goes "Kaput!" I don't have enough time to save for a better replacement. It's a vicious circle.

Of course, one's amount of income plays a factor, but you know, that's really not a good excuse. What I need is more patience. Patience to not buy that fancy gadget that I think I'll need and instead put more in savings and just let it sit there for when such a time arises that something cheap I've bought quits working and I then go out and buy something of greater quality to replace it.

Rent of course is a different matter. Since rent here is so frickin' crazy, I need to come up with a better plan altogether. Unfortunately until I do, I'll have to put up with falling bathroom ceilings, rats as big as cats, and merenge music turned up so loud that you can hear the bass skreetch from my neighbor's speakers two floors away at 1:00am in the morning.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Woo-hoo! I shot a 95!

Presently I am on vacation in Oklahoma. I haven't had a vacation in nearly 6 months and am having the time of my life. I have slept in late every day, took afternoon naps, gone dancing in fabulous dancing establishments, and have spent quality time with my family and friends.

But there is one thing that I haven't had much time to do, and that is actually what I came home to do (besides seeing my family, of course). And that is play an insane amount of golf. When I arrived last week, it rained the first 3 days I was home. On Saturday, it was crazy humid outside but I did manage to get to the driving range to hit a couple baskets of balls. It wasn't until last night, however, that I got out and played a round of golf.

Golfing yesterday was sweet. I played alone most of the way and was able to get 18 holes in under 2 and a half hours. The last 3 holes however, I caught up to a two-some playing and finished my round with them. But on the whole, I played a great game of golf (seeing how I haven't played in almost a year) and lost only one ball! Shooting in the 90s is good for those of us who don't play golf very often and, who can live for months on the joy of such a score (without having to actually play another round of golf).

That said though: I am going to try and get another round of golf in this evening (it's cheaper after 6pm) and see if I can shoot another great score!

The "Plugged In" Syndrome

The eNewsletter called, WinXP News has a tongue-in-cheek article this week about those people who continuously wear earbuds from their mp3 players, those who stay connected to their Palm Computers, and those who are always connected to their cell phones. In the article, the author explains this as a "serious" medical condition. Finally, after the joke has worn off, the authors asks for the reader's opinion on whether we've become electronic zombies or escapists from the real world.

I found this article very interesting because living in New York City, practically everyone has an mp3 player while on the subway or walking down the street. And, if a person isn't listening to music, they have one of those Bluetooth headsets that allows them to talk non-stop while they go about their lives outside their offices.

Actually, I am writing these thoughts while I am on vacation in Oklahoma City where very few people have their iPods connected (or at least, I haven't noticed anyone wearing one). Reading the article and pondering the difference between living in New York City and Oklahoma has me thinking about escapism and that old Paul Simon tune, "I am a rock, I am an iiiiiiiiis--land."

New York City is a city of 8 million officially (and 10 million unofficially) where one would think that there are too many people there for anyone to feel isolated or actually "be" isolated. In truth though, most folks have their own ways of isolating themselves (either to keep their sanity or as a result of their insanity, depending on how you look at it). I can see how listening to music and blocking out the sounds of the city can be very peaceful.

But then, I remember going to church camp (both as a student and leader) and having a clear policy against portable music players and personal headphones because they do exactly what they intend: isolate the listener. There is a point when isolation from the outside world becomes an addictive reason to escape from it and not interact with it. And, as we all know, there are a plethora of other ways we escape from our realities: drugs, video games, and even reading books. I think escapism has its necessary times- but when those times become the norm, then we need to take off our earbuds and close our books if we want to experience the joy of participating in this life.

How often do we escape from our realities? And, what are the ways in which we do it? Do we do it too often? Do I do it too often? Do I spend more time daydreaming (my biggest escapist technique) than I do interacting with my friends and my community? These are important questions that I think are working thinking about because there is a great disadvantage to living our lives as "a rock or an iiiiiiiis-land."

Monday, June 13, 2005

Online Post Office

Did you know that you can go to www.usps.gov and have your mail held while you're away on vacation? The site will take your personal information and the dates you'll be away and then will contact your local post office branch to hold your mail. Isn't that cool?

Saturday, June 11, 2005

A Reason to Celebrate

Finance ministers from the Group of Eight industrialized nations agreed Saturday to a historic deal canceling at least $40 billion worth of debt owed by the world's poorest nations.

Read the whole story here.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

United Church News Blog

The United Church of Christ's United Church News now has its own blog. Joining the blogging world, I am guessing they are wanting to allow the world to see how opinionate we congregationalists tend to get. If you're interested, check out the new blog at http://news.ucc.org/. I will add the site to my regular links on the side panel of this blog.

Call Me Malcolm

A couple of days ago I went to see a movie at NYC's FilmFest, which is a Canne's like film festival for showcases Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender films. The FilmFest is lasting all week at about 5 different movie houses here in the city.

The movie I went to see is called, Call me Malcolm. It is about a transgender person's (who transitioned from female to male) pursuit of ordination into the United Church of Christ. The movie is outstanding! I think one of the reasons for such is because Malcolm is easy on the eyes and VERY articulate, which for some folks is actually an issue. His story is profound in his search to living life as he feels he should. It is also a great movie about the United Church of Christ too.

After the movie, Malcolm was there to talk about the film in a smaller setting. I had a chance to talk with Malcolm and see first-hand the truly inspiring man who I believe will help many transgender folk hear the gospel of God's grace.

And get this, there was something else really cool that happened. The exective producer of the movie is none other than the William "Bill" Johnson, the first openly gay man ever ordained into a Christian denomination (notice I used the word, 'openly'). You can watch a documentary of his ordination experience by pointing your browser here: http://real21mt.audiovideoweb.com/ramgen/avwebnb1006/rwj.rm.
That happened back in 1972 and he was and is a pioneer in our denomination. Today he is pressing for greater understanding and acceptance of bisexuals and transgender persons.

Anyways, I know lots of people who know him but for whatever reason, I never met him. Well, I had a chance to talk with him and get to know him better. It was a great experience for me.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Fun Personality Test

Go here: http://www.geocities.com/tallnnyc/DrPhil.html

A friend of mine sent me this over a week ago and its one of those fun personality tests that, like astrology, it seems to really work but no one knows exactly why.

Okay, so astrology doesn't necessarily "work" but still.. you'll be amazed.

The file is a powerpoint file that can be opened using your internet browser, if you don't have a powerpoint or powerpoint-like program. Drop me a note if you can't view it and I'll email it to you.

And, let me know how you scored on it by posting a comment. I scored at 45.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Funny link... turn up your speakers

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mcneal/mirror/gb_medium.html

The song is pretty funny but if you live west of the Mississippi, you might want to be alone when you view it. ;)

Thursday, June 02, 2005

When Unexpected Memories Happen

See, I did have another mental post brewing:

You know, I was thinking about why I had that "mystical experience" on Saturday night and it occured to met that Memorial Day is much like Veteran's Day, the day my dad died. Both days celebrate our fallen military heroes. While my dad didn't die in any war, he was involved in it.

You see, my dad was a veteran of the Korean War and I am a veteran of both the Gulf War and the Bosnian Conflict- surely there was this thinking going on that, for some reason, I didn't realize or think about until today.

Again, it can be strange when one thinks about such relationships and their memories come to us when we least think they would. Coming on unexpectedly, they can completely throw you off. An image, a smell (grin), a song.. things happen that bring back both good, bad, and sometimes mighty strange memories. And with me especially, those unusual ways can come across mighty strange indeed. ;)

Honoring the Dishonorable

Okay, so.. this might be my last post of the evening- but then, I can't actually promise that. Anyways, I was flipping through the channels a few minutes ago and watched a brief clip on some "championship" wrestling show and suddenly I was just as angry as when I was 20 years ago when I made the conscience decision to ban championship wrestling from my visual entertainment.

Once again, the wrestlers were "cheating", hitting each other with chairs when the referee wasn't looking and as a result, won the match. This same theme... which for some reason is still the same theme.. angered me. Sure, I know kids aren't nearly as impressionable as many censor folks think they are and surely they don't take the show for real. But still. Still, its recognizing that you can get away with whatever unsportsmanship-like bahavior you want to, as long as you don't get caught and the referee isn't looking.

What a horrible life lesson- what a horrible thing to parody!

Okay, so you might say, "Dude, lighten up, it's just entertainment." And yeah, I do need to lighten up, or just not watch wrestling. It still continues to rub me the wrong way. And, having this blog helps me to vent- which actually helps.. somewhat. Thank you for "listening".

A Fun New Treasure Book

This morning I watched some morning news program (Good Morning, America?) about a new book that hit the shelves this month. The book is entitled, A Treasure's Trove by Michael Stadther. The book is a children's book/fairy tale about magical animals, faeries, and adventure.

The book has another side to it. It is also a treasure map for the abled bodied. The author, a self-made millionaire hid several small treasures throughout the United States. The book is a map filled with riddles and clues to finding these treasures. The author explains that the treasures are hidden somewhere in the continental United States. And, the treasure you're looking for is actually a token, that when redeemed, will give you the miniture jeweled treasures.

The first token was found and the lucky recipients, a two-year old and her eager dad, claimed their prize from the author. The treasure was a jeweled dragonfly. We have until December 31, 2007 to find the rest of the treasures. After that, if any still remain, the author will reveal the locations of all the treasures. Pretty cool, eh?

When the lightbulb comes on

Okay, so the lightbulb of an idea came on this afternoon about my sermon for Sunday. The lectionary readings center around Paul's interpretation of Abraham's call from God to be the father of many nations (Romans 4:13-25). The other lectionary texts are Genesis 12:1-9 (Abraham's call) and Matthew 9 (both Matthew's call and Jesus healing a little girl).

As I worked up a liturgy for Sunday, I wondered aloud how Paul went about interpreting Abraham's call. It got me to thinking how sometimes Matthew would interpret the Old Testament in light of the New Testament (e.g., finding proof-texts for the coming Messiah in places where the original authors weren't writing about it when they wrote it). As this conversation was going over in my head, I remembered something I heard from a friend: "It is the responsibility of every Christian in each generation to re-interpret what it means to be a Christian in their time and place."

So, I am thinking I'll examine how it is we go about re-interpreting Scripture, what it means to do it, what dangers/benefits occurs when we do it, and to suggest other texts we might consider reinterpreting. I know it sounds like a lot but I think I am on to something. I'll let you know how it turns out.

What was that you called me again?

Over the years, I've been called many things to include "unique", "cluttered", and of course, "you're such a slob". But in all those years I have never been called "anal retentive" until yesterday.

I was relating to a friend at work that my laundry lady charges less money (see an earlier post) to wash and fold my clothes than it does for me to do it myself at the laundromat. My only complaint, I told my friend, is that the lady folds my underwear and socks in a manner I don't like. So, I always have to refold my underwear and socks. To which another friend who overheard the discussion replied, "That has got to be the most anal retentive thing I've ever heard!" My friend is like, retired, so when he uses words like "anal retentive" I usually have to snicker too.

And you know what? I got home last night and looked around my apartment. My living room was orderly and clean. My kitchen had no dishes in the sink. My bed was made. And my bathroom was clean, wiped up, and the sink had no toothpaste stains on it. And then it dawned on me: "Daaaaaaaaang, I AM anal retentive." Or, in the very least, cleaner and tidier than I've ever been in my life. Now if only I could transfer that orderliness and tidiness to my office- it still looks like my room used to look when I was a kid. I've got papers, books, adult education materials, church promotional items, and hymnbooks strewn about.

Aawwwwwwwwkkk!

That was what I thought when on Tuesday, my interim pastor said, "Just to remind you, I won't be in church on Sunday, I am going away for 10 days." No, I didn't remember and no, I didn't know I was preaching on Sunday. Mind you, I like preaching but I tend to prepare just a wee bit long enough in advance that I am not being too frantic the week I actually write the thing.

So, today is Thursday and I am still racking my brain. I don't know what to preach about on Sunday. It's communion Sunday and the lectionary texts for Romans is about Abraham being saved by faith and not by any observance to the Law and the Matthew text is about Matthew being chosen as Jesus' disciple. You'd think all these ideas would pop in my head but as of 10:38am on Thursday morning, my mind is blank.

Maybe I oughta drink some more coffee. ;)

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Been Away for a Bit

A lot has happened this last week- so much so that I've let this dang thing slip. Sorry about that.

For starters, May 20-22 I was up in Buffalo for my denomination's annual state conference. I had a great time, ate really good food and saw Niagra Falls. Then, on Tuesday, May 24th, I went up to Albany (the state capitol) to participate in the annual Pride in the Pulpit legislative meeting of LGBT friendly legislators. It was a nice time and I met some great new friends. And then on Friday, I had an all day denomination meeting regarding candidates in the Ordination process.

So, by the time the weekend came, I wasn't as prepared for my preaching assignments as I normally am. On Sunday morning, I preached for a friend out on Long Island and then returned that evening for my church's service. And then that night, I went out "shakin' my groove thang" because a few of my friends were a bit miffed that I've been working so much and not spending time with them. One must've forget one's friends- so I went out Sunday night until 4am.

By the time I got in, I was soooooooooooooooooo tired.

Anyways, that's been my long week. I have had some interesting things happen, and will write about them shortly. I just don't know which "one thing" to write about just yet- perhaps I'll write about a whole bunch of things. I don't know just yet.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

When the Pot Calls the Kettle Black

A spokesman for the Pentagon just said, "I think it's outrageous that Newsweek would do something based on dubious evidence and may have resulted in loss of lives."

Kind of like our invasion of Iraq, eh?

ARRGGGHHH!

You're just NOT going to believe what I did last night. It was the stupidest thing ever.

I was going through my mail, separating the bills from the junk mail. As I opened up the mail and came across something I didn't want, I'd rip it in two and throw it away. Yesterday I received more junk mail than normal and moved my trash can close to my desk chair and I opened and ripped, opened and ripped, and opened and rip...ArgghhH!!!.. I ripped my refund check from the IRS in half! It was behind the junk mail envelope and I didn't see it.

Hastily, I taped the check back together and I hope, I hope, I hope, the bank will still take it.

As each day happens, I am coming to the realization that I shouldn't ever be left alone.

Disconnecting Something I Never Thought I'd Disconnect

I read an interesting article ages ago that got me thinking: Could I live without my 5-disk cd player? You see, most of all my music is recorded on my computer and is thereby on my mp3 player (a Rio player). And, I bought a particular cable that I was able to hook my mp3 player into my Bose wave radio in my living room.

I noticed a friend who had done the same thing in his apartment (I was over at his house this past week for a party). "Hmmm... this is really interesting." He has an iPod player and has MUCH more music than I do.

And so yesterday I thought I would "give it a go" and see what my life would be like without the cd player (its a huge ol' box next to my tv and takes up all sort of space). And, my cd player is a piece of crap anyway- it needs to be turned on and off during play because it'll skip from one cd to another and not recognize the next cd and skip again and again and not play. So, frustration is really the main reason I am open to this new experimentation.

And there you have it. I unplugged the cd player, put it in my closet, and spent all day yesterday listening to my tunes through my player. And you wanna know something? It's great and it's working just fine! I am thinking this is going to be wonderful.

Someone Knows All About You

I recommend anyone who wants to keep current with their Windows XP Operating Program to sign up for a free weekkly eNewsletter at http://www.winxpnews.com. The tips and information are priceless and continues to provide keen insight for me as I do all the computer tech work at the church.

In today's issue, we are told about a new search engine at http://www.zabasearch.com. I went there, typed in my name, and was Shocked! about the information I found. It had my birthdate, address, phone, and the opportunity to do a complete search regarding all my financial transactions, what the government has on me, what I own, et al. (for a fee, of course). That option is located at the bottom of the screen.

Go there and see what you find. It has scary written all over it.

And.. it's a good place to look for old friends. ;)

Sunday, May 15, 2005

And More Really Cool Baptist Preachers

I found this blog entry over at Real Live Preacher. It was the nicest thing I've read in a long time- and it even made me get all teary-eyed.

http://blogs.salon.com/0001772/2005/05/12.html#a493

Okay, so it has a bit of stereotype-ish-ness in yet- and yet, I know this man has many folk reading his blog and he didn't have to say this quite so honestly. And yet he did.

This Is What Happens When Really Dumb People Get Elected

Wouldn't you know it, a Texas lawmaker has "discovered" the cause of AIDS and highschool dropouts. It seems that those tawdry cheers we're seen our cheerleaders in highschool perform is the root cause of all the teenage woes. And it's a good thing, personally I was getting tired of being blamed for all the evils in the world (as an openly gay minister).

To counter this threat, there is now a bill in the Texas legislature submitted by Democratic Rep. Al Edwards, the bill's sponsor, that argues that sexually suggestive cheerleading exhibitions are a distraction that results in pregnancies, [high school] dropouts and the contraction of AIDS and herpes.

"If there's anybody who thinks there's not a problem with the way our young folks are performing ... then they've been somewhere with their head in the sand," he said.

Read the entire story here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/suggestive_cheerleading

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Wanna hear something funny?

I was speaking with a friend in Shawnee, Oklahoma yesterday who was complaining to me about the skyrocketing rents in his small town. He and his wife are expecting their first child and they have to move. Looking at 2-bedroom homes, they are excited to learn that they are eligible to rent a house sponsored by the Shawnee Native American tribe (his wife is 1/8th Native American). He was saying how worried they were that they wouldn't get this subsidized housing which made them concerned whether or not they could afford a non-subsidized 2-bedroom home in their community.

Okay, so this is where it gets funny- not necessarily ha-ha funny.

Currently my Shawnee, Oklahoma friends pay $110/mo for their 1 bedroom apartment. The subsidized HOUSE they are going to get is $150/mo. A two-bedroom apartment would run close to $175/mo. So, they are saving $25 because they received word yesterday that they were approved for the subsidized house.

I heard this and, living in New York City, I was stunned and giggly at the same time. But it wasn't necessarily a happy response, it was more of sort of laugh you might expect from someone incarcerated in a mental hospital. It was a nervous laugh- a laugh that said, "What the hell am I doing living in New York City?!" kind of laugh.

I pay really, really, really, inexpensive rent here. I have a 1 bedroom, 700 sq foot apartment "in da' hood" and I pay $950 a month. I was at a friend's party last night (who certainly makes more money than I) and he lives in a converted 2-bedroom apartment and pays just a little over $3000 a month.

See, isn't that funny? Honestly I don't know whether to laugh or cry right now.

$13 a month!

You're just not going to believe this. I found an honest-to-goodness "deal" in New York City. In a city of insane rents, through the roof taxes, and milk that costs just close to $5 a gallon, I just ordered monthly cable for $13 a month. Thirteen dollars a month!!

Where I live there is just no reception- and when I watch tv, its mostly snow and blurred images. Yesterday I was whining to a friend of mine about my reception and my unwillingness to pay OK Cable $49.00 a month of basic service when my friend said, "You should try Time Warner Cable, they're much cheaper." I responded, "You mean I have a choice?"

Duh.

I am way excited today. And this is for good reason, you understand. Being the frugal pastor (and my grandma might suggest I am not frugal enough), I have found the inexpensive restaraunts in the city, ways to spend an afternoon without spending any money, and now, I have cable tv for almost the cost of a movie ticket.

So, just to let you know, this is one of the very few deals that I have found in my 9 years of living in this city. To give you some examples of others deals that are far less entertaining, I have discovered inexpensive drying cleaning and the "cheaper than doing it yourself" laundromat service. Exciting, huh?

Friday, May 13, 2005

God's Mysterious Hand

Remember when I booked my vacation plans and had to cancel shortly thereafter because I forgot about an important trip?

Well, get this. I had a conversation last night with a member from the church where we share space with and an idea was presented to have a joint picnic between both congregations on June 12th. I had planned on booking my vacation to Oklahoma on June 7th through the 14th. I told the other congregation that I'd probably miss the joint picnic but would still participate in the planning of it.

So, this morning when I was planning my trip to Oklahoma, I figured it'd be great to be a part of that picnic and decided instead to plan (and book) my vacation to Oklahoma from June 14th through the 23rd. I have my vacation booked and everything is all set.

Now here is the funny (and very cool) hand of God is all this. June 12th is not only the date of the planned picnic but it's also the date of my congregation's Spring Corporate Meeting (something that I cannot, for any reason, ever miss). Had I not spoken with the other church's rep, I would have booked my vacation plans and would have then had to immediately cancel my reservations. But I didn't have to do that, pretty cool, eh?

If guardian angels exist, I can only imagine they receive overtime pay when it comes to watching out for me.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Is This A Slippery Slope?

General Synod is the annual meeting of the United Church of Christ and it's happening this July in Atlanta, GA. At Synod this year will be a resolution to begin the debate regarding "Alternative Paths to Ordination". Generally speaking, an ordained member of the UCC must have a four-year college degree + 3 years in seminary. For most within Protestant mainstream churches, this is the norm. The UCC however, is weighing the factors for many folks who don't have the necessary funds to pay for 7 years of education (esp when some choose ministry late in life and who have not begun a college education) or for many of our rural churches that have been and remain pastor-less. So this compromise is looking at ways to train folks for ordained ministry who a), couldn't otherwise afford it, or b), to raise up those in rural settings and be trained to serve, think, and shepherd their own congregations and be ordained to do such a thing.

Personally, the UCC has a way of licensing a candidate for ministry who has not met the 4+3 schooling or, because many of our smaller churches cannot support a full-time pastor financially, often members of the congregation have already served their respective pastorates in a licensed way (giving them full ordinational responsibilities but only for the particular church they serve, and no other- they would have to reapply to their regional conferences to be granted licensure in another parish setting).

Anyways- I say all this to speculate that such a decision might draw uneducated persons to the office of the pastor who have not spent years discerning their call to ministry. It is during the 4+3 years of education and the ordination process itself (which can take 3 years) that a pastor struggles and affirms his or her calling. Whatever is decided at Synod must take into account the danger in having those who's hearts have not been tested and put into the fires of accountability before a new parish is given over to a newly ordained candidate. These are just my ruminations.

You can read the entire article, which reads very well and makes a great case at http://www.ucc.org/news/r051205a.htm

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

"Blanket Policy" My Donkey

This is from the UCC Newsdesk.

"The communication director of the 1.3-million-member United Church of Christ is questioning a decision by ABC television to allow James Dobson’s Focus on the Family to air two commercials during the network’s season finale of “Supernanny” on May 2.

In an Associated Press story (May 2), Focus on the Family’s president and CEO, Jim Daly, said the spots were an attempt by his organization to offer “faith-based” advice on parenting, despite the fact that ABC executives have twice denied recent similar requests by the UCC to purchase network time as part of its national advertising campaign.

“Focus on the Family is clearly a religious organization,” the Rev. Robert Chase, director of the UCC’s communication ministry, told United Church News. “Here’s yet another illustration of how a particular narrow agenda makes up the rules as they go along, while another religious viewpoint cannot even purchase time on the people’s airwaves to proclaim an all-inclusive message.”

In December and March, the three major networks denied a purchasing request by the Cleveland-based UCC. NBC and CBS rejected the UCC’s 30-second ads as “too controversial.” ABC, however, sidestepped the fray by maintaining that it has a blanket policy against all religious advertising.

“Why are the network executives so willing to bow to this narrow agenda of the religious right?” Chase said. “Why is one religious viewpoint continually accommodated by the network elites?”

“Focus on the Family may be using a non-sectarian come-on, but what kind of assurances can ABC provide that Focus on the Family’s follow-up literature is respectful of all faiths, respectful of non-traditional families, respectful of the one million kids that have same-sex couples as parents?”

********

The apparent hole in ABC’s advertising policy has not been lost on internet blogs. Below are a few recent posts:

Media Matters: Is ABC providing airtime to Focus on the Family after denying it to United Church of Christ? mediamatters.org

Talking Points Memo: You may recall www.talkingpointsmemo.com

AmericaBlog: ABC accepts ad from Focus on Family after rejecting gay-friendly Christian Church www.americablog.org/

To read this and other related stories, go here: http://www.ucc.org/news/r050305.htm

Friday, May 06, 2005

Serving Sizes

I got this today from my Bally's Fitness email of the day. I was so surpised to learn that two tablespoons of peanut butter (what I usually put on my pb and jelly sandwiches is equvalent in protein to an ounce of meat!

Here is what I read this morning:

Did you know that two tablespoons of peanut butter is the same size as a golf ball, which counts as one serving and is equivalent to an ounce of meat? Did you know that one serving (1 1/2 ounces) of cheese is about the size of three dominoes, and that one serving of leafy-green veggies is one cup, and about the size of a baseball? Visit the weight loss topics on www.ballynutrition.com for more serving size information.

Whoops, it's actually 616!

A newly discovered fragment of the oldest surviving copy of the New Testament indicates that, as far as the Antichrist goes, theologians, scholars, heavy metal groups, and television evangelists have got the wrong number. Instead of 666, it's actually the far less ominous 616. For the complete story, click here.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Great Religious Truths

1. Muslims do not recognize Judaism as a religion.

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.

4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

The Craigville Colloquy

As you might have guessed, even the United Church of Christ has its evangelical strain within the denomination. One place to see this strain, is by vacationing once a year to the annual Craigville Theological Colloquy at the Craigville Conference Center in Cape Cod, Massachusettes. For under $400, you have 4 nights, 12 meals, linen and beach club membership all while enjoying a week around a particular topic. This year's dates are July 18-22, 2005.

This year's theme will be Christ Will Come Again: Reclaiming Eschatology. During the week, there will be discussions about the end of days and what it means when we proclaim each communion Sunday that "Christ will come again."

I am thinking of going to this event for a couple of reasons. Namely, my slot on Fire Island has been nixed and I doubt I'll be able to find a new host at such a late date. And, since I've never vacationed on the Cape, this would be a good place to go (albeit alone). Secondly, I find the UCC's take on evangelism heartening and would like to meet more folks who blend a 'liberal evangelism' although I doubt that they would call it that.

Major Goof

One of the dangers of being able to book your travel reservations online is that a person might get tempted to do so when they really shouldn't. Take last night for example. I was wanting to book my vacation trip home to Oklahoma and have been putting it off. Realizing the rates were going up, I hopped online (at about 2am) when I should have been in bed asleep.

As a result, I booked and paid for my trip home without realizing that I have to be in Buffalo for a conference during part of the trip I booked for home. This morning when I emailed my boss to say, "Okay, I finally booked my trip home," did he call me to say, "What on earth were you thinking? Don't you know we have to be in Buffalo!?"

So, screaming and saying words my mother shouldn't hear, I called the travel company to cancel my reservations. Fortunately, I did so within 24 hours of making my reservation and was able to get a 100% refund. Perhaps THAT is the good thing about making online reservations.

Anyways, I am such a goof. Unfortunately I won't be able to go home in May after all. I am shooting for a couple of week in June. I think I'll wait and make sure my calendar is up to snuff, so to speak, before making another flight reservation.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Fred Phelps: Just Who Is He Anyway?

Okay, so you know who he is. Everyone knows this guy and his church in Kansas. The San Francisco Reporter did a write up on him that is very interesting indeed and they did it in such a way that the reader gets a glimpse into the ways of Phelps.

Have a looksee: http://www.sfreporter.com/archive/father_knows_best.html

God Is A Verb

I spoke with a friend in Oklahoma last week who recommended a particular book for me. He said that as he read it, it had "me written all over it". I was unsure if I should be flattered or not but as my friend explained the book, I could tell he was very excited about what it had to say. So, I went down to my local Barnes and Nobles and picked up a copy.

The book's title, in its entirety, is called: God is a Verb: Kabbalah and the Practice of Mystical Judaism by Rabbi David A. Cooper. While I have only read a few chapters, the book is wonderful! Hearing the stories of this particular ancient mysticism is both facinating and eye-opening. And, it really begs the question of Old Testament interpretation from a strictly word-for-word reading. Rabbi Cooper tells about the Tulmud, the Mishnah, and Midrash and how all these tools and methods have been employed to interpret the Old Testament that Jewish folk use- and conversely, Christians seldom do. As a result, few Christians understand the Old Testament as historical Jews do.

You can see then why a Christian might say, "Why don't the Jews get it?" When, afterall, the Jews get a different message than what Christians do. I am thinking it'd do me well to better understand the Old Testament through the lens of those to whom it was written rather from a perspective where I am trying to imagine how a Jewish person might think.

Hmm.. let me say it another way. When I was a student at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, my Old Testament class was taught by a Christian PhD student who more than often, interpreted the Old Testament through the lens of the New Testament. While he tried not to do so (and he talked about the dangers of doing so), he still couldn't help but make the comparisons that would later be "fulfilled" in the New Testament.

At Union Theological Seminary where I later transfered, my Old Testament professor was a Rabbi who taught at the Jewish Theological Seminary across the street. I learned how to interpret (or rather was taught to interpret, I wonder how much I actually remember) Old Testamen texts. I am thinking this perspective both honors the traditions of my ancestors while hearing the messages in the Old Testament in a different and unique way (the way, perhaps, they were meant to be interpreted).

So my point is, this book, "God is a Verb" is facinating and fun and brings me back to my Old Testament class. It's filled with wonderful stories, keen interpretations, mediatations, and insights. I can't wait to continue reading it (yes, its been designated as my official "subway book", where I only read it on the subway).

Gay Husbands?

While reading the New York Daily News online this morning, I ran across an article about how to tell if your mate is cheating on you. The article is about a new book called The Script that seems to be flying off the bookshelves here in New York City. The book is advertising itself as the 100% way to know if your husband is cheating on you. You can read the article in the New York Daily News here.

In the story, however, is another link. That link is for women who have married gay husbands and it advertises the services of a woman with perfect "gaydar." Gaydar is the ability to tell if a man is either gay or straight. With the advent of the metrosexual (a straight man who takes very good care of himself, dresses very well, and has a sensibility most straight men just don't understand), it has become difficult to always know for sure a man's sexual preference. Enter Bonnie Kaye. She has a checklist and offers email counseling as well as provides thoughtful articles. It's a pretty funny site but one that deserves a quick peak. Check out: http://www.gayhusbands.com/

Friday, April 22, 2005

Wanda's Cherry Crunch

This past week we had a new member's dinner at the parsonage. With 6 of our newcomers discerning whether or not to become members, I thought I'd sweeten the exchange by making a dessert from the "Down Home Cookin' " cookbook from the Grady County Extension Homemakers Council, that I so often write about here.

I found this easy to make recipe and received some additional advice from my mom on how to make the dessert even tastier. I made two pans of this dessert for both the newcomers and the members of the church who also attended the dinner. Everyone at the dinner had third helpings of this tasty and addictive delight.

Ingredients
2 cans of cherry pie filling
1 cup of chopped pecans
1 can of crushed pineapple
1 cup of coconut
1 box of any yellow cake mix
1 stick of butter or oleo

Directions
Pour pie filling into a 9x14 cassarole dish or baking pan and spread out evenly. Sprinkle the crushed pineapple, chopped pecans, and coconut on top of the filling. Sprinkle the cake mix evenly on top of the mixture, making sure there are no uneven lumps. Then, place butter slices all over the top of the cake mix. Bake for 45 minutes at 350 degrees. Remove from oven, cover with aluminum foil, and bake for an additional 15 minutes.

It's delicious served hot or with vanilla ice cream or whipped topping.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Possible Constitutional Amendments

...that codify all marriages entirely on biblical principles:

1. Marriage in the United States of America shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen. 29:17-28, 2 Sam. 3:2-5)

2. Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines in addition to his wife or wives. (2 Sam. 5:13, 1 Kings 11:3, 2 Chron. 11:21)

3. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut. 22:13-21)

4. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen 24:3, Num 25:1-9, Ezra 9:12, Neh. 10:30)

5. Since marriage is for life, neither the US Constitution nor any state law shall permit divorce. (Deut. 22:19, Mark 19:9-12)

6. If a married man dies without children, his brother must marry the widow. If the brother refuses to marry the widow, or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law. (Gen. 38:6-10, Deut. 25:5-10)

7. In lieu of marriage (if there are no acceptable men to be found), a woman shall (may) get her father drunk and have sex with him. (Gen. 19:31-36)

***
What makes this list sweet to me was that it was given to me by one of the very old and very wise matriarchs in our sister congregation, a Lutheran Church.

In any event, its crazy how we can use the Bible to justify all sorts of things- and how we can use it to either support what we like or don't like. As you can see, proof-texting is seldom a good idea; the above list gives us an example as to why.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Interesting website

I read a great article in my PC World magazine about a website called Konfabulator that lets you download widgets, programs that can do pretty much anything you want from viewing traffic cams, a haiku generator, Fedex package tracker, to a tool that checks how much free RAM you have. It's quite amazing actually and it even lets you create your own java scripts to do whatever you want your computer to do, or whatever you want your desktop to look like.

For a better description of what this is, check out http://www.konfabulator.com/info/index.html

Monday, April 11, 2005

Unitarian Jihad

The following is the first communique from a group calling itself Unitarian Jihad. I have no idea whether news organizations have received this communique, and, if so, why they have not chosen to print it. Perhaps they fear starting a panic. I feel strongly that the truth, no matter how alarming, trivial or disgusting, must always be told. I am pleased to report that the words below are at least not disgusting:

Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States. We are Unitarian Jihad. There is only God, unless there is more than one God. The vote of our God subcommittee is 10-8 in favor of one God, with two abstentions. Brother Flaming Sword of Moderation noted the possibility of there being no God at all, and his objection was noted with love by the secretary.

Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States! Too long has your attention been waylaid by the bright baubles of extremist thought. Too long have fundamentalist yahoos of all religions (except Buddhism -- 14-5 vote, no abstentions, fundamentalism subcommittee) made your head hurt. Too long have you been buffeted by angry people who think that God talks to them. You have a right to your moderation! You have the power to be calm! We will use the IED of truth to explode the SUV of dogmatic expression!

People of the United States, why is everyone yelling at you??? Whatever happened to ... you know, everything? Why is the news dominated by nutballs saying that the Ten Commandments have to be tattooed inside the eyelids of every American, or that Allah has told them to kill Americans in order to rid the world of Satan, or that Yahweh has instructed them to go live wherever they feel like, or that Shiva thinks bombing mosques is a great idea? Sister Immaculate Dagger of Peace notes for the record that we mean no disrespect to Jews, Muslims, Christians or Hindus. Referred back to the committee of the whole for further discussion.

We are Unitarian Jihad. We are everywhere. We have not been born again, nor have we sworn a blood oath. We do not think that God cares what we read, what we eat or whom we sleep with. Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity notes for the record that he does not have a moral code but is nevertheless a good person, and Unexalted Leader Garrote of Forgiveness stipulates that Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity is a good person, and this is to be reflected in the minutes.

Beware! Unless you people shut up and begin acting like grown-ups with brains enough to understand the difference between political belief and personal faith, the Unitarian Jihad will begin a series of terrorist-like actions. We will take over television studios, kidnap so-called commentators and broadcast calm, well-reasoned discussions of the issues of the day. We will not try for "balance" by hiring fruitcakes; we will try for balance by hiring non-ideologues who have carefully thought through the issues.

We are Unitarian Jihad. We will appear in public places and require people to shake hands with each other. (Sister Hand Grenade of Love suggested that we institute a terror regime of mandatory hugging, but her motion was not formally introduced because of lack of a quorum.) We will require all lobbyists, spokesmen and campaign managers to dress like trout in public. Televangelists will be forced to take jobs as Xerox repair specialists. Demagogues of all stripes will be required to read Proust out loud in prisons.

We are Unitarian Jihad, and our motto is: "Sincerity is not enough." We have heard from enough sincere people to last a lifetime already. Just because you believe it's true doesn't make it true. Just because your motives are pure doesn't mean you are not doing harm. Get a dog, or comfort someone in a nursing home, or just feed the birds in the park. Play basketball. Lighten up. The world is not out to get you, except in the sense that the world is out to get everyone.

Brother Gatling Gun of Patience notes that he's pretty sure the world is out to get him because everyone laughs when he says he is a Unitarian. There were murmurs of assent around the room, and someone suggested that we buy some Congress members and really stick it to the Baptists. But this was deemed against Revolutionary Principles, and Brother Gatling Gun of Patience was remanded to the Sunday Flowers and Banners committee.

People of the United States! We are Unitarian Jihad! We can strike without warning. Pockets of reasonableness and harmony will appear as if from nowhere! Nice people will run the government again! There will be coffee and cookies in the Gandhi Room after the revolution.

Startling new underground group spreads lack of panic! Citizens declare themselves "relatively unafraid" of threats of undeclared rationality. People can still go to France, terrorist leader says.